Leading in Grace and Compassion
by Travis Runion
Maybe you’ve had one of these moments lately. I was driving with my two boys to football conditioning on a six lane highway. I’m in the leftmost lane preparing to turn left in about a mile or two. After stopping for a traffic light and moving forward on the green light, the car to my right has pulled ahead of me about a car’s length. You can probably guess what happens next. Some knucklehead Andretti wannabe zips around me and recklessly squeezes into the narrow gap between me and the car to my right.
I am immediately indignant at the recklessness and disrespectfulness and contemplate how I would get justice if I had the opportunity. To my joy, another red traffic light stops the offender and allows me to catch up behind him. I look over at my boys and state, “Excuse me but I’m going to be ugly.” (That usually a good indicator to stop what you’re about to do.) I shift over so I have a clear view of his face in the side mirror and lay down on my horn while pointing my finger at him. He returns the pointing but points up with a different finger.
We both move forward on the green light and he speeds on his way. I was satisfied that I had confronted him and communicated my displeasure all without any sinful or obscene actions or words. I got my justice.
Then, my older son in the front seat looks over to me in my tiny world of justice and says, “Do you think he deserved that?”
Ouch! Have you ever heard words of truth spoken from the mouths of your children or spouse?
I replied, “No, probably not.”
Later that night, the story was retold at home with amusement and laughing. I even boasted about my actions, but I had to acknowledge that my response was not appropriate.
Over the next week or so, I had to wrestle with the truth that while my actions may have been justified, the hard truth is that I was not modeling the way of life that Jesus calls us to. He calls us to humility, grace and compassion. I needed to repent of my arrogant and unloving desire for justice.
In His sermon on the mount, Jesus tells his followers,
“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.” (Matthew 5: 38-42 NLT)
These are difficult words to put into practice. Left in our sinfulness, we need to admit that we are entitled, prideful, independent, self-serving, revenge-seeking, and greedy. But through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, we don’t have to stay in our sin. We have the ability to live differently. We can live like Christ.
So, continuing with the Leadership Check-In that we started last month, let’s take a hard look at how we are modeling Christ and leading in grace and compassion.
The basis for grace is in forgiveness. Because God has forgiven us through the death of Christ, made us righteous in His sight, and amazingly made us heirs with Christ in God’s kingdom, we are able to forgive the offenses of others and extend “unmerited favor” to them, bringing them back to a right relationship with us.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” (Colossians 3:13 NLT)
The root of compassion is in love. Because God chose to love us and gave His son to die for us and because He continues to care for and bless us, we have the power to love, serve and help others.
“If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?” (1 John 3:17)
Another area of compassion that all of us as fathers need to assess is how we respond to the sinfulness and shortcomings in our children. When my kids fall to the same types of temptation that I fell to when I was their age, do I respond with compassion and understanding or with judgement and anger? When I communicate that I understand what they are going through and then show them the forgiveness that is waiting for them in Christ, those moments can strengthen their faith instead of filling them with shame. These are also great opportunities to show your children that you have to fight the battle against temptation sin as well.
With those thoughts, let’s check in. Here are a few questions to consider:
In small insignificant areas of conflict or disagreement, do you pursue justice, being right, voicing your opinion or do you respond with grace and with understanding?
When others have offended you, do you linger on that offense and allow it to harm the relationship?
When the mistakes of others cause you harm or loss, how do you respond? Do you break ties with them? Do you forgive and work to restore the relationship?
When you are faced with someone in need or someone asking for money, how do you respond?
To what extent are you willing to inconvenience your own life, comfort and security in order to help someone in need?
How do you respond to your children when they are caught in sin? Do you respond with compassion and understanding or with judgement, anger and shame?
Are your children as well as your spouse aware that you struggle with temptation and sin just like they do? How can you make steps to be more vulnerable and honest?